Home On The Suburbs: Monday’s Finish The Story /April 13

indian

The neighbors were not happy about my choice of artwork. However, I am a collector and this piece was a gift that I couldn’t refuse. I agree, it is out-of-place in this neighborhood of manicured suburban lawns. One cannot simply turn down such a gift.

The story starts 20 years ago when I was a truck driver. My job always took me through a small town in New Mexico.The statue sat in front of the American Indian museum in that town.

The museum just happened to have my favorite bar next door to it. After having too many beers one night, I went out and climbed on the buffalo for a photographic opportunity. Just then, a female security guard showed up.” Sir, you have ten seconds to get down off the buffalo!” she shouted.

I told her that I only wanted one picture. But, by then I had drawn a crowd with my little episode. They were all cheering me on!

The security guard, with her arms folded, said, ” You must be from Tennessee?”

“How did you know?” I said

“Because, we get all kinds of truck drivers in here. Most, just want their picture taken beside the statue, Only the ones from Tennessee think they have to ride it. ”

We all had a good laugh.

So, every year, I stopped and “rode” the buffalo. Suprisingly, when the museum shut down last year,  they called and asked me if I would give the old Indian and the buffalo a good home? Otherwise, it would be destroyed.

So, as you see, I could not let them destroy it. It was like part of the family.


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I Hate Nosey Questions

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Plead the Fifth.”

The question that I am always tempted to plead the fifth on? All of them!!!. I have went down so many different paths in my life and I ain’t dead yet, so I will probably go down many more. There have been a lot of twist and turns that make my life interesting, to say the least. So I guess when boring people try to figure everything out based on their “perfect ways”, it pisses me off how they can be so rude and blunt with their questions about my personal life.

Q.Why did you quit your job at so and so?

A. Unless you are giving me an interview,  THAT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!

Q. Do you draw a pension?

A Unless you are the IRS,  STILL NUNYA BUSINESS

Q. What happened between you and J.?

A. NUNYA

And my best overall favorite that I always have a quick and loud answer for….( DRUM ROLL)

Q. Why would a man (meaning my first husband) leave you?? You are such a pretty girl.

A. WHAT MAKES YOU THINK HE LEFT ME?? I LEFT HIS SORRY ASS BECAUSE HE WOULDN’T WORK AND STAYED DRUNK ALL THE TIME!!!!  ANY MORE QUESTIONS???

This is one of the biggest drawbacks of living in the south. People are friendly, yeah, but lots of times they just want something to gossip about.

“I’m from Mississippi Darlin’. I will “Bless your Heart”,  slap the crap out of you…and then go bake you a casserole”—UNKNOWN—