I Never Knew Why

Larry was considered a “slow learner” and was allowed to quit school in the 6th grade. As his younger sister, I was a nuisance to him and he wanted nothing to do with me. He ridiculed me and called me names. Our parents never disciplined him.

I never knew why.

If I tattled on him for being mean to me, I was hushed and told to leave him alone. He never learned to drive and never did a day’s work. He did nothing but sit around, eat and smoke cigarettes and let the ashes fall in the floor. Our mother waited on him hand and foot, cooked for him and always had a broom in her hand. ready to sweep up his falling cigarette ashes.

I never knew why Continue reading


Blog For Mental Health

blog for mental health

“I pledge my commitment to the Blog for Mental Health 2015 Project. I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others. By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health. I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma.”

I believe nothing happens by accident. Everything happens for a reason. Finding this site was meant to happen, today!


Today, well, all week, actually has been one of those weeks when everything just seems off. I have never been officially diagnosed with anything other than depression/anxiety. Not that that isn’t enough. But I know there is more going on, in me and in my whole family. My brother is the only one that has been diagnosed..He was considered Schizophrenic from an early age and growing up with him was very trying, especially when it was all supposed to be a secret. We weren’t supposed to talk about it. He didn’t finish school because he was “slow”. So much time was focused on him that no one noticed that the rest of us had issues also. We have had 4 suicides in a 10 year stretch. The more tragedies that we have, the less we talk. I haven’t spoken to some of my family in 8 years due to the fact that I asked too many questions on why we are the way we are. And since some don’t believe that they are anything less than perfect, I am the outcast. I am the troublemaker. We have had a few more attempted suicides and even more have become alcohol and drug dependent. I  am ready to come out and face the problems and I want to teach my children that this should not be something kept secret. Talk to me, talk to someone. I need to get help for myself and then maybe I can help my children and the other younger generations. So I proudly take the pledge today!