The title itself makes me laugh. I am so green at this blogging thing that I cannot imagine anyone ever reading my stuff. Mainly because, I think everything that I have written lately has been, selfishly, for myself. I am at a pivoting point of self discovery and awareness.
So, this is for Bynda, the inner Bynda that was told as a child to keep quite. The Bynda that was so shy growing up that she dressed to express her thoughts. The cool hippie clothes, borrowed from her older sisters, bordering on slutty, made her look older than she really was, and spoke words that she did not intend to say.
I am writing to the young Bynda that had to grow up way to soon due to things happening that she is still not supposed to talk about. The Bynda who didn’t feel like she had anything worthwhile to say. That was told what she should do and was made to feel guilty if she didn’t comply.
I want the young Bynda to know that she deserved better, that these people were wrong and that they should be held accountable for their actions. She needs to know that she was beautiful, talented and an amazing little girl.
I pour my heart out to her now, in poems, songs or just a jotting down of thoughts. I need her to know that it’s ok to talk now.
Maybe some day I will write for other people. maybe I will be able to talk about something else other than myself. But for now, everything that I say or do, is to heal this little girl inside.
And if by some chance, someone else reads my blogs and can relate to what I have said, they too will find the strength and courage to speak up. Maybe they won’t have to wait a lifetime, like I did, before they get the courage and knowledge to stand up and be counted. That would be my ultimate goal. To save a child from blaming themselves and from self destruction by the actions of others. To let then know that there are people out there who care.